Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize