I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
