: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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