i just wanna soil my oats bro
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
