ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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