just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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