yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
