if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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