I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
