His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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