Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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