He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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