I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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