What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
