i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
