my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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