im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
