Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
