you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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