I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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