Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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