Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
