mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
