Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
