There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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