low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
