he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
