hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
