you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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