so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize