I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
