Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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