I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
