Your mouth is God's brothel.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
