My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
