Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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