She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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