goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
