I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
