Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
