I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
