I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
