So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
