my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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