Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are a genius and a whore.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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