Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do vagina's smell?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hippo gnu deer
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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