i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
