I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
