kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
