I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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