how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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