I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
