he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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