I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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