thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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