So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize