take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
