you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
