Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
