Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"it" just moved
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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