I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
