I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
