My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
FUCK WHALES
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
