Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
