Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
