She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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