before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
