Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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