dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize