Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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