It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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