Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
