Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize